Friday, May 25, 2001

In the June 2001 issue of Parents, Mark Walters wrote a wonderful essay on the nature of a parent's love for their child. Titled "No Ordinary Love", he wrote "...we discovered what all parents discover--that our kids are gifts whose possible loss will always shadow our joy." The first thing I do when I wake up is go to the crib, and touch Mia's chest, reassuring myself that it's rising and falling. Am I so afraid of losing her? Yes. This is irrational, of course. Paranoid, possibly. But this is how I feel. Maybe when she becomes older, I'll get past this fear. Mr. Walters writes "I try to invest myself in the present; I try not to think too much about my sons as they'll be a few years from now. Although at times, I can't help it." Me too.

This online record is my attempt to remain in the present.
posted by Rick Umali 11:10 PM

Thursday, May 24, 2001

Mia fell off the bed today. While Jenn was gone, I carelessly placed Mia on the bed, near the edge, and as I turned away, I heard an awful thud. Then the wail, as Mia made it clear she was upset.

I made a quick call to the pediatrician, after checking whether Mia could move her arms and legs. The nurse asked whether Mia was vomiting at all. She was not. She asked could Mia move her arms and legs. She could. She then said that I should just try to calm her down, by holding her. (I was doing that already.) After Mia stops crying, check that the pupils of her eyes were the same size, and when she sleeps, be sure to rouse her every once in a while.

When Jenn got home, the news plus Mia's vicious crying ("Ow! I'm hurt!") made Jenn quickly put down what she was carrying. Let's say that Jenn was stern with me, quite understandably.

This all happened a few hours ago, and Mia has since recovered to her usual self. I was able to feed her without incident, and Jenn was able to nurse her fine. Mia's pupils look exactly the same.

I pondered whether Mia would remember this startling fall. I read on the web that
she would remember this for only the next twenty-four hours. A longer article seems to suggest otherwise. Either way, I know that I want to forget this happened, but Jenn assures me that we won't be forgetting about this.
posted by Rick Umali 6:19 PM

Wednesday, May 23, 2001

I'm starting to notice that putting Mia down is becoming harder.

Normally, we just rock her to sleep, then deposit her into the crib, and then off to bed (for a few hours anyway). Now, when we place her in her crib, she'll sometimes startle, and awaken, in which case we take her out, rerock her, etc. Last night, I tried to put her down three times. Each time, she woke up, resulting in some rocking time. It was near 4AM before I went to bed.

I wonder what's worse: not sleeping through the night, or having problems getting to sleep. I've read that getting babies to bed when they're older is more difficult, as they'll often negotiate for more bed time reading, or singing. But I know what I'd do then: I'd shut the light, and say good night. Then let her figure out that night time is for sleeping. Since Mia's only two months old, I can't very well do this.

It's a profound frustration trying to get a Mia to bed when she's not willing. I experience a wide range of feelings: exhaustion, elation when she's finally down, mild anger when her eyes continue to stay open ("Go to sleep already!"). Time and (later) discipline eventually will make this easier.
posted by Rick Umali 10:45 PM

Monday, May 21, 2001

I emptied out the Diaper Genie this evening. This is a fun thing to use, even though we only have one for upstairs, and we often end up tossing old diapers into the trash.

I ought to keep track of how many diapers we go through on a daily basis. Jenn calculated that each diaper is only 17 cents. I bet we use between ten to fifteen diapers a day!

When Jenn's grandmother visited us, she said she remembered using cloth diapers. I couldn't imagine it. We do use cloth diapers as burp/spit-up rags. These rags seem to be everywhere: over our dining room chairs, on our sofa, at the foot of the bed. I wear it over my shoulder, and I occasionally find myself wearing one while running errands.
posted by Rick Umali 10:55 PM

Sunday, May 20, 2001

Mia continues to astound Jenn and I with her sleeping. Last night, we put her down around 11PM, and she woke up this morning around 6AM. We're past the point of wondering whether we miss her during the evening. (A few days ago, she did wake up at 3AM, looking for a feeding.) Now we wonder when she's going to take a regular afternoon nap.
posted by Rick Umali 4:50 PM